Alright, so, I will start this out by warning people that this will probably be a relationship-based post, if you want to avoid the mush, I recommend that you avoid this one.
Anyhow, currently, I am in a relationship with Mark. This wonderful fantastic man, he makes me so happy. He is everything that I want, plus a whole load of things that I didn't know I wanted until I met him. Today, we've been together ten months, which is my longest relationship. He's also so much more a part of my life than anyone I've dated has ever been before. I see him almost all the time, we're practically living together at this point. He's the last person I see before I go to sleep and the person that I wake up beside. I love that and I love him.
Now, moving past the mush! It's only VERY recently that I've realised how much time I do spend with him, and how much of a part of my life that he is. I would literally be lost without him. This absolutely TERRIFIES me. In the past, if this had ever come up, if I was ever panicked or frightened, I wouldn't even stop to question it. I would be GONE. I'm not very good at relationships, especially not long term ones (for me, this is long term.) This is all new and scary for me, I've never done this before and I'm so worried about messing this up. But I don't want to mess this up. I love him so much and he makes me so happy that I panic even more about fucking it up.
So, last night, rather than just lie there not being able to sleep, and freaking myself out more and more, I manned up, and I decided to talk to him. Admittedly, I didn't pick the best time to speak to him, it was after midnight and he had work the next morning, but the crazy is not subject to rational thinking. So I decided to tell him about all of this. About my crazy irrational fears and all of my panicking and everything. I wasn't even expecting an answer or anything apart from "Shush, don't be crazy, go to sleep." But no, he was fantastic. He listened to everything I had to say let me ramble on for ages and let it all out, and then comforted me and talked to me until I didn't feel so panicked or stressed and I just curled up and fell asleep.
Yep, so that's my relationship mush blogpost. It was written rather messily while watching movies, so please excuse the ramblingness of it. It was just meant to express the fact that I was scared and I love him, so I got over the fear and actually talked to him about it and now things are better again. That is the incredibly simplifed version. So perhaps, you should have just read this tiny last paragraph, rather than all of the rest of this mess.
Much love,
B.
